Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
