I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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