I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Are my feet made of real feet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
