I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
