I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
