He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
