just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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