I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
