I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
