Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
