she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
