i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
