he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
