So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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