I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
