she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
