3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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