How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
