my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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