The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
