yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
