dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
