"it" just moved
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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