he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
