The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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