I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
