I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
