I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
