Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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