just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
