i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
