Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
