Can i not drive my cunt home
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
