Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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