A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
