I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
