Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
