We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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