I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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