If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
