sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
