me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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