I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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