I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
