from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
