so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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