i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
