I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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