yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
