my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
