My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
