I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
