so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize