Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
