his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
