Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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