and you said cock pushups were impossible
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
