nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
