He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize