Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
