I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize