he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fuck appropriateness.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
