Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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