Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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