Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
