Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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