I think I died a long time ago.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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