I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize