Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
