Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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