I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
